Dear Abby: My daughter’s grandparents on both sides don’t make time for her

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful, soon to be two-year-old daughter. Before she was born, my parents and all his parents eagerly awaited her arrival and discussed their plans for life as new grandparents. We “knew” they would be so involved it would drive us crazy. Instead, the opposite is true!

My parents work 40+ hours a week and care for my 5-year-old half-brother who was recently diagnosed with autism. Of course I have to loosen them up a bit. His parents, on the other hand, are not workaholics. They spend their time doing things like spending a few weeks at the lake, taking scuba diving lessons, and participating in a quilting club. They tell us about their fun and then ask how our daughter is doing. (You haven’t seen her in weeks.)

I know that the role of a grandparent has changed. Raising children gives them a taste of freedom. However, for me, childcare is not free childcare. They are my FAMILY and I wanted to see all the plans they had for them before she was born come to fruition.

I’m writing this because my parents just announced that they won’t be able to come home from work for her birthday party. They knew it was coming and I know they were able to plan a workaround for the party. I am heartbroken.

I feel like we are raising our daughter all by ourselves, without any help from family. I’m angry that they are missing out on this wonderful little person and thinking other things are more important than their grandchild. Do I have too high demands on them? Is it wrong for me to be upset about this?

– ALONE IN ILLINOIS

PREFER ALONE: Feelings are neither right nor wrong. I won’t judge you for having them. But ask yourself whether your anger is beneficial or harmful to your relationship with your parents and in-laws. In addition to their full-time jobs, their parents look after a child with a disability. Getting upset about them not going to a two-year-old’s birthday party is a waste of energy.

Your in-laws, regardless of what they said during your pregnancy, seem to be more focused on themselves than their grandchild. Regrettable? Yes. But instead of dwelling on it, accept it for what it is and move on.