How to Navigate Holiday Gatherings After the Election

After nine years of divisive election rhetoric, many families are hanging by a thread as we prepare for the 2024 holiday season. No matter what side of the political spectrum you are on, we can all agree that politics has taken a new direction in the last decade. Who you vote for has become synonymous with what you value – and even who you are as a person. When those closest to you have different views on candidates and policies, it can be unsettling to realize that their values ​​no longer align with yours.

In 2016, for the first time in my life, I had political views that contradicted those of my family. I felt conflicted and confused – how could people I had spent so much time with and thought I knew so well have values ​​so different from my own? So the thought of spending the holidays arguing about politics filled me with great fear and anxiety.

I’ve discovered that the holidays don’t have to be full of stress, anxiety, and strife if you have the right tools. Instead, you can spend Thanksgiving and Christmas carefree and full of joy, even if some family members have different beliefs than you.

Here are the top three things I did to get through the holidays without arguments and political debates:

1. Make family arrangements

Creating a peaceful holiday season begins before the celebration itself. Before in-person events, make an agreement with dinner or party attendees to keep the conversation away from politics and politically charged topics. Make this agreement with everyone, regardless of where they are on the political spectrum – including those who voted the same way you did.

Acknowledge with any family members or friends that the purpose of the season is to create a sense of togetherness and connection. Making such an agreement in advance will give everyone an understanding of expected social boundaries at holiday gatherings.

In 2016, I wasn’t particularly good at setting boundaries – the idea worried me as much as political debates. So I sent a text to my family saying, “I know we all have different views when it comes to politics, but I’d like to put those aside when we’re together.” Holiday gatherings are neither the right fit Still the right time to try to change someone’s mind about politics. So can we agree to avoid political conversations this holiday season?” By setting a boundary, my family could avoid feeling attacked or judged—so they immediately agreed to the idea.

If you have a similar problem, use the statement above to set your own boundaries this holiday season.

2. Redirect the conversation

When political topics come to the holiday table, there are ways to redirect the conversation in an emotionless way.

Neurolinguistic Programming’s conversational reframing technique, “The Agreement Frame,” is my personal favorite method. This communication strategy suggests using phrases that can help redirect the conversation. This includes:

• “I appreciate it and…”
• “I respect and…”
• “I agree and…”

Here are some examples of how you can use these frameworks to shift political conversations back to safer, less emotional topics at the holiday table:

• “I appreciate your insights on (topic) and I think it’s best if we stick to our agreement not to discuss politics this holiday season. So tell me – what is your biggest goal for the new year?”

• “I respect everyone here tonight and want to make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable. Let’s stick to our agreement to leave politics alone this holiday season and talk about (new topic) instead!”

• “I agree that it is important to hear opposing viewpoints and I think now is not the best time for this topic of discussion. Can we put this conversation on hold for now and find time to discuss it at a later date?”

3. Manage your emotions in the moment

The holidays inevitably bring with them a certain level of stress. However, there are tools you can use to avoid feeling overwhelmed or anxious and instead be more present and less reactive to people with different political opinions.

My favorite strategy is a technique called box breathing. While you can use this technique anywhere, including at the dinner table, I like to excuse myself to the bathroom to give myself space to observe my feelings.

With this breathing technique, you inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, exhale for four counts and hold your breath for four counts. Repeat these steps at least four times or until you feel the anxiety subside.

When our emotions start to rise, we move into the emotional part of our brain and often have less access to the logical part. I recommend practicing this breathing technique in the days and weeks leading up to the holidays so that it becomes a natural part of your emotional coping routine.

Find peace this holiday season

While elections have caused great division in America over the past decade, we can instead use the holidays to remember that there is more in common that unites us than what divides us. By using the three strategies above, you can create a peaceful, joyful holiday season, regardless of the political beliefs of those around you.

Photo courtesy of Ground Picture/Shutterstock