Here are five great car-related conversation starters you can use to avoid talking politics this Thanksgiving

If the hands on my calendar are correct, there will be Thanksgiving tomorrow! And since this Thanksgiving comes on the heels of a very controversial national election (I want to say we elected a new city councilor or comptroller or something?), I realize that many of you condemn politics and everything that goes with it might be fed up with heightened emotions and feelings as well as threats and accusations – so why subject yourself or someone else to that? The good news is that you don’t have to do that, thanks, as always, to cars.

Yes, cars! Thanks to the near-universal appeal of automobiles of all kinds and the inherent joy that almost every functional human being feels when encountering someone who talks about cars at length, with an unfocused gaze, and with wild intensity, I think we can safely put you out of your weirdness free the neo-monarchist or anti-Third Amendment rants of an uncle, aunt, or cousin.

We’ll do this with these five safe, car-related conversations: carVersation, if you will (I hope you won’t), appetizers. In fact, these starters are so powerful that I’ll say they’re a talking point Detonator. Pull these babies out and before you know it, everyone will be animatedly discussing cars with joy and joy, with any urge to put their hands around their necks long forgotten over political disagreements giving way!

So here we go; Simply print this page, fold it, and store it in an easy-to-access bag—you’re ready to make your Thanksgiving holiday fun and murder-free!

Carversation Starter 1: Did you know that there are many cars named after Essen?

This is a good way to get acquainted with everything since there are already tons of foods, and it allows you, as the carversation leader, to carefully lead and guide the conversation by knowing some fascinating facts about cars named after foods.

Here’s a short starter list: the fantastic Alldays & Onions, Nissan Cherry, MG Hot Dog, Suzuki Cappucino, Mitsubishis Pistachio and Minica Lettuce, as seen above. Oh, and I also wrote all about a car manufacturer called American Chocolate a while back.

This is a good list to get you started, and once people are suitably excited, you can encourage them to come up with their own food-based car names while you all have fun imagining how a GMC Ribeye might look like or how you would never be caught dead behind the wheel of an Oldsmobile Haggis.

Carversation Starter 2: First Cars!

Do you know what is a powerful way to keep people happy? Nostalgia! Nostalgia is a powerful drug, and if you ask people about their first cars, I can almost guarantee they will have stories, fond stories of a long-ago youth spent in vinyl-padded death traps, even the harshest Fox News included observers and NPR shopping bag carriers laughed together over shared memories of what shitboxes their first cars were.

For the younger people, you can ask them whatever they want want Your first car, and that should spark lots of good discussion. You just need to figure out how to navigate Tesla. This will be difficult, but if things get tense, just tell them how you remember your grandmother’s amazing 1973 Tesla.

Carversation Starter 3: Strange Connections

Do you see that car up there? This is a Jutta, and strange subcompact-like versions of it have actually been built. I’m showing it to you because the guy who invented Whac-a-Mole built it! Or how about the fact that Brooks Stevens, the man who designed the famous Jeep Wagoneer, also designed the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile? Or how about how one of the programmers of GM’s auto computer systems later designed the legendary video game Centipede?

Each one should send even the most cranky relatives into a dream where they marvel at the strange and beautiful interconnectedness of the universe.

Carversation Starter 4: Car Noise Contest

Okay, here’s for when things get desperate and you really need to derail a conversation that’s way too close to becoming dangerously political: declare a car noise contest!

You’ll want to have a few of these on hand. As I thought about it, I remembered this book I had as a child Mouth noiseswho made the bold promise that “Whistle, bang, click and honk your way to social success.”

That was a lie.

But what is that? did It was a really great sound of a race car going by, kind of a combined hum and tongue-rolling “R” sound along with a Doppler effect start-up-loud-back-loud thing. There was also a small flexi disc record, a page of which appears to be online:

Man, look what an 80s cover this is! This type of design/topography was very common in funny picture books in the 80s. Anyway, you can make this noise and maybe a good car starting noise? Look, this guy is great at this:

Just give it a try and invite everyone to try it. The more embarrassing, the better! However, keep in mind that spit will fly around. Therefore, take precautions.

Carversation Starter 5: Talking shit about the Lancia Gamma

Oh, everyone will appreciate this: Lancia once made a car that could destroy its own engine if you started it with the steering wheel turned all the way in one direction, as if you were, say, parked on a hill and not I don’t entirely trust your parking brake, which was probably a good decision.

It’s true! The power steering pump was driven by a belt from the left camshaft. So if you were to start the engine when cold and with the steering wheel fully turned, the stress from the power steering pump would cause the cam belt to snap or jump, at least bending the valves, or at worst destroying the whole damn thing.

If that’s not enough, you can tell them how rear visibility was achieved by looking through a window in the car above the back seat, then through the trunk, and then through another Window in the trunk lid. It’s completely ridiculous and everyone should have fun thinking about the insanity of it all.

I hope these help! And remember, these are just the beginners – if used correctly, you should get everyone talking about cars with unbridled joy, and everyone will forget all their stupid ideas, no matter what they are, and just get on with turkey and stuffing it with a handful of ham as if it were the good thing to whomever intended.

Happy Turkey Day! Here’s a car that you know secretly comes from Turkey

Newly released video of the fully self-driving Tesla accident on Thanksgiving Day demonstrates the fundamental problem with semi-automated driving systems

Let’s talk car names you couldn’t use today, food names, and ones you think suck but don’t