Dear Annie: How to Make Friends After Becoming a Widow

Dear Readers: So many of you have written about the widow columns I have recently printed and raised some interesting points, so I wanted to share some of those letters with everyone.

Dear Annie: Oh, wow! I just saw this in our newspaper and pointed it out to my wife. She didn’t believe it at first and I was just as surprised. Widows are shunned by their friends for fear of losing their husbands to them! What worries me most is that we are already facing an “epidemic of loneliness” in this country and such attitudes – based on fear or distrust – only make the situation worse, especially as we age.

It also raises some important questions for those who rule out and break off old friendships:

#1: Have these widows ever shown any interest in your husband?

#2: Is your husband’s loyalty and fidelity in question?

#3: Why is the ex-husband invited after a divorce? Could there be unresolved feelings there?

There’s an old saying: “If you point a finger, three more will point at you.” It’s a sad situation all around.

– Still three points back

Dear Three More: Thank you for your kind letter and insights.

Dear Annie: I got divorced many years ago at age 42, but none of my boyfriends left me. Early on, I made it clear to everyone that I would never pursue anyone’s husband; I valued my friendships far too much for that. I was invited to every lunch and party and hosted many gatherings myself.

We had such a wonderful time together! I like to think it wasn’t because I was considered “too homey” to be a threat; I was funny, lively and attractive. My dating life was quite active and spanned three nearby counties! However, I believe that the real reason my friendships remained intact was cultural. Many of us were born in Europe or of European descent, and our shared values ​​and cultural background made a difference.

– Friendships first

Dear Friendships First: I love the fact that you addressed the issue directly with your friends.

Dear Annie: There is an organization in my community called Compass Club that has been an important resource for women over the years. Originally founded as a newcomer club, during my tenure as president we have evolved our mission to focus on supporting women in transition – whether they are widowed, divorced, retired or new to the area. Over my 34 years of membership, the club has been a godsend to dozens of women, providing friendship, support and connection. I encourage these women to find out if there are similar organizations in their area. They can be a wonderful way to build community and navigate life’s changes.

– The Compass Club

Dear Compass: Thank you for your wonderful suggestion. I hope it helps people connect with each other.

Dear Annie: The Modern Widows Club was founded by Carolyn Moor to help people find healing resources after loss. It started as a simple initiative in a widowed woman’s living room and has grown into a network that provides innovative resources and community connections.

– Another tip

Dear Another tip: That sounds fantastic.

“How can I forgive my unfaithful partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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