Bryce Harper just gave us the perfect vanilla latte recipe right before the US attacks TikTok

I’m just sitting here minding my business, watching a great Cotton Bowl game and scrolling through TikTok, when suddenly a hyped-up Bryce Harper comes along with the most delicious vanilla latte recipe just before the app is sent to the sun becomes:

@3ryceharper

Am I making this a normal thing? #baristabryce #coffee

♬ Original sound – Bryce Harper

That latte definitely labeled me poor. Lion’s mane mushrooms in the beans. $20 Madagascar vanilla bean maple syrup. $11 grass-fed whole milk. Very special custom round ice cube trays, as if he had a Burger King ice dispenser in his kitchen. Apparently my K-Cups are full of mold because they are not organic. The lives of the rich and famous.

Why the hell has a Starbucks latte never looked like this? Have mercy:

Me, after seeing the perfect spout and the extra foam fitting perfectly into this cup:

It takes about a week for Bryce to file a trademark for a new coffee company called “B3aned Up.” If he opens a cafe in Fishtown, we’ll throw hands.

PS: Ngl. I’m a little worried about this guy’s eyes. I won’t pretend to know the toll that having three kids takes on your sleep schedule, but those eyes look like they’re carrying the stress of taking on the Phillies this year must. Jesus man. Need to check these bags? Can anyone introduce Bryce Patrick Bateman’s morning skin routine?