Control what you can, come up with something

The 2024 Thanksgiving Edition and the holidays are officially here! This means that here you will also find the tips and advice to help you have the best possible days.

During KIRO Newsradio’s “The Gee and Ursula Show” the day before Thanksgiving Wednesday, Ursula Reutin and guest host Mike Lewis discussed several Thanksgiving-related topics, including what people should do if they know they are in a situation where difficult conversations are possible are to be expected and whether guests should be more involved in the host’s dinner planning.

What’s the best way to keep the peace during Thanksgiving dinner?

“Turkey time means family and family means difficult conversations,” said producer Jonah Oaklief, who represented Andrew Lanier, at the start of the segment.

“Should disruptive guests be sent to the kids’ table?” Jonah asked, referring to a message sent to the text line.

“No, because in the end there will be a third world war just because you try to send people to a table because there is a conversation that you don’t like,” Ursula replied.

How about setting ground rules for dinner with guests in advance, as some professionals have suggested?

“If we do that, I know some family members would say, ‘To hell with it!’ Or if you say (co-host Gee Scott), they’re going to bring it up because they like this controversy,” Ursula said.

“They like to put their finger in the fan,” replied Mike Lewis, who was filling in for Gee Scott.

Neither Ursula nor Mike were in favor of setting ground rules before dinner.

“You don’t want to give anyone a target, do you?” Mike asked.

Instead, Mike suggested that people look inward, so to speak, and focus on themselves and what they can do.

“You only have complete control over one thing, and that is your reaction,” Mike said.

From there, he recommended acknowledging the comment you may disagree with and changing the subject.

“If you can just say, ‘Oh, I hear you.’ And then just continue eating or look at someone else and… ask another question. “So what are you doing on vacation?” or “What are you doing for Christmas this year?” Just redirect, redirect, redirect,” Mike said.

Mike continued to reiterate his stance on controlling what you can control, reminding that a multi-person gathering isn’t just about you.

“But remember, you can only control your reaction, but you can completely control your reaction because today is not about you, it’s about a group.”

Thanksgiving Tip: Should guests be more involved in dinner planning?

Let’s move on to another topic: “Is bringing just a bottle of wine to Thanksgiving dinner okay for me, or should I just get more involved in the planning?” Jonah asked Mike.

“(If) we go to a house (and) if the person is actually a wine fan, buy a decent bottle,” Mike said. “It doesn’t have to be an expensive bottle, but if you don’t know, talk to someone who knows.”

Then Mike changed his position slightly and recommended not waiting until late at night to ask what he should bring.

“But if you just stop by the market and grab everything that’s in plastic… that’s usually not that helpful,” Mike said. I would ask them, ‘What do you think you’re missing?'”

Is it ever okay to come empty-handed?

Ursula and Mike both agreed that this was not okay. Mike suggested bringing flowers or a place setting.

However, there are exceptions where it is understandable to arrive as a guest empty-handed.

“When you travel a long distance and you have (kids) and the chaos that you bring with you, it throws a spanner in the works,” Mike said.

Ursula suggested another scenario in which the presence of one person alone is enough.

“Or if you’re really in financial trouble, I think that’s another time when people say, ‘We want you to be here and don’t worry about it,'” she said.

A few other rules that Ursula and Mike brought up:

• “Don’t bring your own Tupperware,” Mike said.
• Mike brought up an important rule about Tupperware for those who take something from the host: “The rule is that you give it back with something in it.” But make sure it’s not just leftovers.
• Anyone who brings flowers should try to bring the vase with them, as the host is already busy cooking and doesn’t want to be left looking for a vase, Ursula said.
• When it comes to flowers, Mike had his own advice: “Don’t pick them in that person’s or neighbor’s yard because you forgot.”
• Don’t bring anything that’s already been opened, such as an open bottle of wine.

What is the best Thanksgiving appetizer or dessert?

“The best thing is definitely the sausage filling,” said Ursula.

Jonah chimed in and named one of Thanksgiving’s staples, at least as far as vegetables go.

“My mom makes us great stuffing too and I always like the green beans,” Jonah said. “I don’t eat a lot of green beans. But (at) Thanksgiving I like it, probably just because there’s a lot of butter.”

What do you like most about Thanksgiving?

Mike began by praising a Thanksgiving week staple: leftovers.

“I’m actually a bigger fan of leftovers than a real meal,” he said. “I love the fact that there’s something really great waiting for you in the fridge. It’s a bit like a little bit of Christmas.”

He went on to talk about some of his favorite Thanksgiving holidays not spent with family and/or friends, but when he was traveling.

“In some cases, my favorite Thanksgivings were when I wasn’t with people I knew or when I was traveling for some reason and had to be in a new city. “I once ended up in a pub in New York City where there was an impromptu Thanksgiving feast,” Mike said. “I didn’t know anyone there and had the best time. It was because it pushed you out of yourself a little bit.”

Ursula decided to switch gears a bit and talk about what she is grateful for this year.

“I shared that this will be the first Thanksgiving that neither my parents nor my mother-in-law will celebrate for me,” she said. “And this will be a little different. I love the fact that we still get together and have invited a few other people.”

Ursula added that she now finds herself in a completely new situation given the deaths in her family in 2024.

“It’s strange for me to be part of the oldest generation this year,” she said.

Mike is in a similar situation and agrees with this assessment, adding that whether we like it or not, death doesn’t care about the holidays or other “poignant events.” Instead, it comes at some point and affects everyone.

While some may not like this way of thinking at this time of year, Mike added that this is why it is so important to celebrate this time of year.

“Even though they hurt a little, (the holidays) become almost more important… because they remind you that this is the torch you have to carry now.”

Go here or click on the player in this story to listen to the entire Thanksgiving segment, “Agree to Disagree,” from “The Gee and Ursula Show.”

Listen to Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin weekday mornings from 9 a.m. to noon on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

Steve Coogan is the managing editor of MyNorthwest. You can read more of his stories here. Keep following Steve Xor send him an email here.