Get an A+ on all final exams

If you’re stressed about the upcoming finale season, worry no more. Here are seven study secrets that will guarantee you an A+ on all exams without having to study anymore. Normal study guides will not tell you these tips. 99.9% of students will fail their exams because they don’t know these secrets.

Be on Adderall without being on Adderall

We cannot change the fact that Notre Dame “does not tolerate stimulant abuse.” But what if I told you that there was a way to get the effects of Adderall without actually taking it? This is a tip I learned from a friend a year ago and I’m going to share it with you now. If you act like you’re on Adderall, you can trick your mind into actually thinking you’re on Adderall. Many students have tried this and seen an exponential improvement in their productivity. Just make sure you don’t pretend to take Adderall and pretend to drink alcohol at the same time.

Biohacking

Biohacking is the future of productivity. So if you don’t use it, you’re living in the past. Entrepreneur and lifestyle guru Dave Asprey defines biohacking as “changing the environment around you and inside you so you have more control over your own biology.” From cryotherapy, sleeping on a spiky mattress, and drinking butter From blended coffee to walking barefoot, taking 40 supplements a day, and inserting microchips into your body, there are plenty of ways to reach your biological potential this exam season. Some people may roll their eyes, they may even call you crazy, but you’ll be the one laughing when your brain and body are a finely tuned productivity machine. Does it work? Just ask the 3,000 Silicon Valley entrepreneurs wearing Patagonia vests at Asprey’s recent convention. According to Asprey, “Most people have twice as much energy potential, but they do hundreds of little things that hold them back.” Will you let these things hold you back this semester, or will you eat, sleep, and breathe biohacking? I appeal to each and every one of you to leave behind the weak pretense of a student that you are now and turn to biohacking.

Develop a gambling addiction

Gambling is a great way to vent your frustration and get your adrenaline pumping before you start studying. The great thing about gambling is that it takes so little time. You can lose Win $1,000 in seconds and then head straight back to the books with a new boost of energy. This makes gambling the perfect study break that actually maximizes your productivity.

Learning through osmosis

The secret that Big Library doesn’t want to keep from you is that there are other ways to acquire knowledge besides active learning. Research shows that information can enter your brain through contact. Therefore, you can learn the material by simply holding your textbook to your head. Throw away your pillows and sleep on your textbook. The eight hours you previously wasted on sleep are now spent gathering information. This increases your knowledge acquisition rate by 33.33%. Other students will not be able to keep up.

Refuse to conform

Everyone goes to the library to study. So when you go to the library you get the same grades as everyone else. If you are like most other students studying in English, you will get the same questions wrong. Try studying in Polish or Dutch. Finding niche courses, languages, and other techniques and keeping them secret will help you maximize your academic edge over your classmates.

Stay in control

You must control the narrative in advance of the exam date. The last thing you want to do is tell your classmates what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, or how much you’ve learned. Knowledge is power, so you have to take it away from them. Never show weakness. Always be one step ahead. If your classmate is making flashcards, you should already have made a deck. If a fellow student goes to office hours, you should have dinner with your TA on Tuesday evening. Never show your hand. If you don’t know the answer to an exam question, simply write, “This question is too easy for me to answer.” You can’t fail when you’re in control.

Eat for success

According to science, certain foods increase brain power. Since time is of the essence, I have put together the most effective recipe that combines all brain foods in one meal. Better yet, you can find all the ingredients in the dining room. To make this brain power meal, grab a spinach wrap from the sandwich station. While you’re there, pile on some leafy greens, broccoli, and avocado spread. Next, rush over to the leftover breakfast food and pile a few eggs on top. For a little more crunch, add some walnuts and chocolate chips from the ice cream station. Finally, add the fish that the dining room is serving that day and pour a little olive oil over it. Then place in the sandwich press and cook for a minute over medium-high heat. And just like that, you have a delicious meal that will make you smarter.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.