Happiness Survey, November 2024: Summary (for internal use only)

On behalf of the Happiness Survey Working Group, I would like to thank you for your mandatory participation in our latest Happiness Survey. We forwarded our findings to a Big Four accounting firm, which hired its most stereotypical geeks, nerds, and idiots to analyze the data. What follows is her report.

This is the first happiness survey of the 2024-25 season. There were more than 900 responses.

Reminder: The survey is completely wrong:

On a scale of 1 to 5: How happy are you to have this player on the team?

1 means VERY UNHAPPY TO HAVE YOU ON THE TEAM
2 means UNHAPPY
3 means NEITHER HAPPY OR UNHAPPY
4 means HAPPY
5 means VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ON THE TEAM

Below are the average scores for each player, grouped by me into tiers.

Elite three-tier

The superstars of the Washington Capitals

• Connor McMichael 4.82 ± 0.49
• Alex Ovechkin 4.81 ± 0.73
• Dylan Strome 4.80 ± 0.50

I don’t think you can expect anything more from these players, except maybe adamantium-encrusted bones for one of them. McMichael averaged around a 4.3 rating throughout last season. He improved by half a point, more than anyone other than anyone in our next league.

Four-stage core

Four players are making big progress for the Caps this season

• Logan Thompson 4.67 ± 0.62
• Tom Wilson 4.63 ± 0.69
• Jacob Chychrun 4.61 ± 0.65
• Aliaksei Protas 4.59 ± 0.68

Protas’ rise in the lineup corresponds to his rise in the Happiness Survey. He is the biggest improvement from the first session, while everyone else enjoyed modest improvements and also welcomed Chychrun to the roster. Logan Thompson is the big surprise here, at least compared to preseason expectations for the former Vegas backup.

Reliable duo stage

You always know these guys are going to be here

• John Carlson 4.37 ± 0.74
• Nic Dowd 4.36 ± 0.78

Barring a poor poll last year, Carlson remains at his historic level. ie Tragically underestimated by you ungrateful goblins.

Super solid squad tier

Just outside the team core, these very good players are at the bottom

• Pierre-Luc Dubois 4.11 ± 0.76
• Martin Fehervary 4.06 ± 0.77
• Rasmus Sandin 4.05 ± 0.78
• Charlie Lindgren 4.02 ± 0.81

Sandin is one of the team’s most improved players this season, and Pierre-Luc Dubois has been a transformative, if unforgiving, addition. Lindgren and Fehervary were both slight disappointments in my eyes, but in your opinion they are going in different directions (up for Marty, down for Charlie).

Still a solid septet level

The plains lie to you; These players are still very popular

• Brandon Duhaime 3.89 ± 0.78
• Jakub Vrana 3.85 ± 0.89
• Matt Roy 3.80 ± 0.81
• Trevor van Riemsdyk 3.76 ± 0.80
• Andrew Mangiapane 3.75 ± 0.80
• Taylor Radysh 3.72 ± 0.79
• Lars Eller 3.71 ± 0.92

While it feels like we’re already way down the rankings, I have to note that the average points total is up 0.2 points compared to our last sample when the Caps just made the playoffs . Spirits are high and these players are still held in high regard.

Part-time partner level

Not the regular squad, so you might want to disregard these numbers

• Dylan McIlrath 3.53 ± 0.96
• Hendrix Lapierre 3.07 ± 0.93

Lapierre is the biggest loser in this poll, down almost a full point from April. McIlrath brought courage, but not much else, to his ten games. Lapierre will get another hit soon, but if McIlrath plays again that means something bad has happened on the blue line.

Inapplicable assemblage level

Okay, definitely discount those numbers

• Ivan Miroshnichenko 3.66 ± 0.88
• Michael Sgarbossa 3.07 ± 0.80
• Alexander Alexeyev 3.05 ± 0.76
• Sonny Milano 2.66 ± 0.98

Milano only played three games this season before getting injured. Since he has underperformed before, it is not surprising that he has lost 1.6 points compared to the last poll in April. He and the rest of this cohort were seen too rarely to make much of it.

And that is the Happiness Survey. What did we do wrong?