How to deal with obnoxious party guests

Maybe it’s a relative who spews disgusting political nonsense every year. Maybe it’s your cousin’s new friend who drinks a little too much alcohol. Or perhaps a previously mild-mannered pal has become unusually angry and has an argument with – wait, is that Grandma?

Family gatherings can be tense. Holidays can increase this anxiety. So what should you do when everyone starts drying out before you’ve even had time to cut the cake?

To get the best expert advice possible, we spoke to professional caterers, the people who are there for some of the most important – and stressful – occasions of your life. They shared smart ideas, from practice to philosophy, to help you stay in control this year.

If you are hosting, it is your responsibility to ensure the event is enjoyable for everyone involved. Let people know ahead of time what to expect, the chef said Becky Geisel by Bex Kitchen & Catering. “Just like a catered event, it’s important to set expectations with your guests in advance,” she said. “A little communication before the event goes a long way to avoiding unwanted surprises or unrealistic expectations.”

If there is a person who has caused problems in the past, this could be the right time for a cordial one-on-one conversation, well before the scheduled appointment. Or if you made preemptive changes to a traditional event, e.g. For example, if you’re changing the time, changing the way the food is served, rethinking the gift exchange, or perhaps you’ve decided not to serve alcohol, you should let guests know these details in advance.

At the top of the list, well ahead of short tempers and long-standing resentments, alcohol is the leading factor in offensive behavior at holiday gatherings. “Even if you decide to serve alcohol at your party, you’ll also need plenty of non-alcoholic drinks,” said “Restaurant: Impossible” Host Robert Irvine. “That doesn’t mean you act like a bouncer and cut people off, but there are little things you can do to keep the holiday from turning into one big drinking session,” he said.

He noted that it is important to maintain hydration. “No one should have to ask for water, so put full glasses and a few pitchers on the table at every place setting,” he suggested. “Also have plenty of bottled water on hand, which is an attractive option as it helps settle the stomach.”

The most practical tip we got came from the chef at The Raging Skillet, Chef Rossi. “My golden rule for Christmas parties, whether for my company or my home, is: never Provide shot glasses,” she said. “Allowing shots at the bar is a one-way ticket to guest hell.”

She recalled hosting a Wall Street party years ago where one of the brothers got carried away and yelled at her, “I need six shots of tequila.” Using her trademark humor to de-escalate the situation, she responded, ” I need three Xanax and a foot massage, but we don’t always get what we want.” In the end, everything turned out well: “Shot Boy and his cronies headed off to their afterparty somewhere in guest hell.”

One thing these professionals emphasized again and again was the emphasis on kindness and compassion, which are fundamental elements of the entire hotel industry. According to Koch Sandy Davis As head of Roxo Events in New York, things run more smoothly when you “put the concept of hospitality at the forefront,” he said. “It’s so important that people feel at home.”

“When these guests suddenly find themselves so at home that their worst selves come out, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, then remember that a little kindness can go a long way,” he said Robin SeldenExecutive Chef and Managing Partner at Marcia Selden Catering and Naked Fig Catering. “My mantra is to respond with kindness and avoid getting caught up in their web of negativity,” she said. “Unfortunately it’s situational and you’re just on the receiving end. Sometimes you just have to show these bad guys mercy because you never know what they’re going through.”

For Irvine, the key word is compassion. “We’re all just human,” he said. “Be compassionate, even towards people who seem to make life difficult for those around them. None of us are as bad as we acted on our worst day. So keep in mind people’s best qualities. After all, you decided to spend a vacation with these people, so I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

Geisel suggested a proven parenting method to ease growing tensions: redirection. “If someone gets a little too opinionated or negative, distraction is key,” she said. “Quickly change the subject or initiate a group activity to shift attention elsewhere. Sometimes a simple, “Oh, let’s go to the kitchen – I’d love your help with this dish!” can both distract them and get them excited about something positive.”

Another option, Irvine said, is to offer the obnoxious guest a walk. “Houses tend to get stuffy with body heat, and that annoys everyone, even small children,” he noted. “The cool outside air naturally soothes strained nerves and exercise regulates our body. If alcohol was involved, it also helps sober everyone up a little.”

Geisel said you have to remember that it is your also party. “Enjoy it, don’t worry about the little things and remember that a positive attitude can do wonders,” she said.

It’s also nice to remember that no matter how your guests behave, you have the unique privilege of cooking and entertaining for the people you care about (at least most of them).

Davis emphasized this sentiment. “Cooking at home for people you love is much, much better than cooking for a job,” he said. “It’s far more personal and rewarding.”

And when there’s nothing else to do, Irvine says, sometimes you just have to “take a deep breath and try to enjoy it.” A little gratitude can also be helpful. “It’s hard to get everyone together, but we make the effort because it doesn’t happen that often, and when it works right, it’s worth the effort,” he added. “You only get one family. Love them for who they are, not for what you want them to be.”