How to put your head back on

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Of all the species known for their headlessness, the cockroach is probably the most well-known. Often found in the disgusting books that line the shelves of Scholastic book fairs and spooky listicles are the fact that a common household cockroach can survive completely headless for up to two full weeks and eventually starve to death. Although it is quoted so often that it sounds completely untrue, it is actually a verifiable fact. Unlike humans, cockroaches breathe primarily through the body, and a cockroach’s brain is actually not involved in controlling blood flow or maintaining body functions. What is often not mentioned when this fact is brought up is that the roach’s head can live on its own even without a body. It is quite possible for a cockroach’s head to wander aimlessly for several hours, looking for its lost body.

I’m not sure how to describe dissociation to someone who has never felt it before. I would call it an out-of-body experience, but not one that is enlightening, frightening, or even particularly interesting. Things feel more and more distant, stretching just beyond her reach. There is a dull pain in the back of the head. The people around you seem a little less human, almost as if they were covered by a thin film of plastic. Your head begins to float away from you like a balloon that has lost its string. You can still do things, have conversations, prepare meals, and go about your day, but all under the quiet resignation of losing all emotional connection to this world. It is possible to live in a state of complete dissociation, but not for very long. Ultimately, just going through the motions isn’t enough. Cracks begin to appear and the lack of feeling becomes overwhelming. I can only speak for myself and my own experiences, but I feel like my own head is somewhere else, writhing back and forth, waiting for my body to return there and fit in again.

How do you put the head back on the cockroach? How do you slip back into normalcy after spending so much time away from your own feelings? I wish I knew a real answer, a foolproof way to fix this problem before it even starts to bubble up, but I only really have ideas. I think that the most natural reaction to dissociation is fear, complete panic at the possibility of losing all feelings forever. While this is a solution in its own way, I don’t think it’s a very good one. Regaining some feeling is welcome, but constant fear can be numbing in its own way. If my house were on fire, I wouldn’t be happy to hear that it was extinguished by a massive flood.

The most commonly cited technique for dealing with dissociation is grounding, which I have had some success with. Take steps to anchor yourself before your head completely runs away from you and to attach yourself to your feelings by forcing feelings. As you pay attention to what is around you, what you can see, feel, smell and touch, forcing yourself to count each breath and take in the discomfort, you gradually return to the present, with all of it Sights, sounds, annoyances and little joy.

Maybe after losing your head, the only thing you can do is retrace your steps and search every nook and cranny until you find yourself again.

Dennis Molnoski is a sophomore studying cinema.

The views expressed on the opinion pages reflect the opinions of the columnists. The only article that reflects the opinion of the Pipe Dream editorial team is the staff editorial.