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I was a baby when my mother was murdered – I want answers

Old photo of Daniel Wing's mother Tina standing with one hand on a green railing in front of a lake and mountains (Image: Daniel Wing)
Mom’s body was found with multiple stab wounds and strangulation marks (Image: Daniel Wing)

I don’t remember my mother, Tina Wing.

She was only 32 years old when she died and I was only one year old. To be honest, I reached the same age as her to truly understand my grief.

I describe this as ambiguous loss because it is unconventional and unclear.

Aside from not knowing my mother, my grief was complicated because my mother was murdered and we never got justice for her.

Shortly before her death, my mother was living in Friern Barnet Hospital, a psychiatric facility in north-west London. She was there for postnatal depression and rehabilitation after giving birth to me a year earlier.

On June 28, 1992, my mother set out on an unaccompanied walk around the grounds – her first since being hospitalized.

Four hours later, her body was found with multiple stab wounds and strangulation wounds. An autopsy would later confirm that the latter was the cause of death, and there was evidence of “overkill” (in the sense of excessive or unnecessary force).

The only suspect the police really pursued was my father, who ended up standing trial for my mother’s murder. He was found not guilty in June 1993 after statements were found to be contradictory.

I was just a baby so I had no idea any of this had happened. It was decided that I would live with my grandmother, who was 60 at the time.

Daniel Wing
It took me until I reached the same age as her to truly understand my grief (Image: Daniel Wing)

She showered me with love and helped me make my childhood as normal as possible. In fact, I don’t actually remember being told that my mother had died.

We often visited her grave on her birthday or Christmas Day, but I felt almost detached from everything because I had no memory of her.

I did, however, have a box of mementos from her that I occasionally searched through. It contained things like their old school reports, address books, passport and holiday photos, signature books from school friends and funeral cards.

Now that I’m older, I find it a great comfort.

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Throughout the year we will tell you stories that illustrate the extent of the epidemic.

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At the age of 10, my Aunt Lesley decided to sit my cousins ​​and I together to tell us about Mom’s death – that she had been injured and was now up in heaven.

But I was pretty numb at the time, so I didn’t really process it. I think I even asked if I could just go play.

For the rest of my childhood, Nan was my rock. But I was always conscious of the fact that she was much older than the parents of the other children at school, which made me cling to her even more.

Daniel Wing
I have a box of mementos from her that I occasionally go through (Image: Daniel Wing)
Daniel Wing
She was not given the opportunity to become a mother because her life was cruelly cut short (Image: Daniel Wing)

I was terrified of losing her, perhaps because I had already suffered so much loss in my life and she was there to pick up the pieces. As a result, I felt an unspoken sense of guilt when I asked about my father—as if I was betraying the sacrifices my grandma had made to raise her.

Nan didn’t talk much about Dad, but she was against me meeting him. That’s why I honestly didn’t think about him much, even assuming he died.

Unfortunately, Nan suffered a stroke nine years ago, which led to her diagnosis of dementia. Around the same time, I came out as gay at age 23 and adopted a hard-partying lifestyle as a coping strategy for everything that was going on.

Daniel Wing
I want others to realize that from tragedy can come resilience and strength (Image: Daniel Wing)

Then, about five years ago, I was at an event where I met the head of a television station. At the end I told her a little about my mother’s story.

Within a week we had a proper meeting to talk about it in more detail, and a week later I met with a production company.

That’s how my two-part documentary “Who Murdered You, Mum?” came about – and it ended up being the most I’d ever said or learned about my mother.

On the first day of filming, I found out that my father was still alive. He also lived in London, was married and had two other children.

“I don’t feel like it’s real,” I finally said on camera. “I feel really disconnected from it.” “It doesn’t really feel like we’re talking about someone where I come from.”

Daniel Wing
The documentary shows how I began to face my grief (Image: Crime + Investigation)

On the second day of filming, I visited the site where my mother was murdered for the first time. Then on the third day I went to the apartment complex where my mother and I lived together before she was admitted to Friern Barnet Hospital.

It felt like a pretty intense start to the filming process, but it ultimately unlocked this deep sense of connection with Mom and her story. This is also how I began to face my grief.

In the documentary, I asked my Aunt Lesley if she would have the opportunity to mourn my mother. “Not really,” she replied with tears in her eyes. “Because I was too busy with life and making sure everything was okay for everyone.” But this process made me sad for the first time.”

Daniel Wing
I wanted us to mourn Tina together, but also celebrate who she was, beyond how she was killed (Image: Daniel Wing)

I really wanted us to be able to mourn Tina together, but also celebrate who she was, beyond how she was killed. On this journey, I came across the term “ambiguous loss,” which helped me reconcile the numbness I felt around my mother throughout my childhood.

While filming, I realized I was the same age my mother was when she died, which was really difficult. She didn’t have the opportunity to become a mother because her life was cruelly cut short.

For me, making the documentary was about taking back control. I feel so inspired to live now and the future is exciting.

But the main question I asked myself leading up to the project – the same one that bears the title – remains unanswered. No one was brought to justice for her murder.

Unfortunately, Nan passed away two years ago – before we could draw any conclusions.

I now hope that the Met Police have confirmed that an inquest is being held into my mother’s death, but I still want answers. All victims and survivors deserve this.

This hope drives me—and I want others to realize that out of tragedy can come resilience and strength.

As James Besanvalle tells it

Who murdered your mother? airs tonight at 10 p.m. on Crime + Investigation

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