Keep Moving: Former Funeral Director Larry McElwain’s Road to Completing His Long-Awaited Book | News, sports, jobs

Photo by: Josie Heimsoth/Journal World

Larry McElwain stands in front of Warren McElwain Mortuary in Lawrence on Friday, November 22, 2024.

Larry McElwain was on his way to a basketball game at Allen Fieldhouse in January, as he had done many times before. This time, however, would be forever different. McElwain collapsed less than 100 meters from the front door after suffering a heart attack.

Fortunately, two women and a nearby doctor immediately responded and performed resuscitation measures until first responders arrived.

“My heart stopped,” McElwain told the Journal-World. “I could have been dead and never come back to life, but if you have a heart attack there was no better place to do it than there because there were paramedics and doctors everywhere.”

On the way to the hospital, his wife, Susan McElwain, was told to meet her at KU Medical Center.

“They told her, ‘Just go to the hospital.’ “I’ll meet you there,” McElwain said. “So she went to the car alone, very shaken. She got in the car, put her head on the steering wheel and said, “God, are you going to take Larry like this?” He hasn’t finished his book yet.

But McElwain – the former undertaker at Warren McElwain Mortuary in Lawrence – was successfully treated at the hospital and has since been able to complete his long-awaited book. The book, A Life Lived Amongst Lives Lost, was co-written with author and award-winning journalist Chris Meggs and published in early November.

The book gives an insight into a job that few understand: planning funerals and helping families through the grieving process. McElwain had done this job for over 45 years before leaving the mortuary in 2015.

McElwain said he wrote the book because he just couldn’t get out. Although he suffered a heart attack in January, he had been working on the book long before then. The heart attack was a wake-up call and made him realize he had to finish the book.

“Suddenly a light went off in my head and I decided I had to get this done,” McElwain said. “I can’t tell myself this isn’t important anymore… I thought, ‘Thank God for sparing me.’ I have to make something of it.’”

Grief is the strongest of all human emotions, McElwain said. He said the most important thing he has learned in his long career as a funeral director is to listen to families going through these difficult times.

“You just learn a lot from people listening to what they like and what it’s about,” McElwain said. “…I need to know what to help them with.”

McElwain added that it is very difficult to work with families who have lost a child.

“When a parent of a child dies, the dreams they had for that child also die,” McElwain said. “They thought their child would grow up and raise his grandchildren, and suddenly life changed.”

Although he has helped prepare services for many people, things can be very different when it comes time to bury people you know, including loved ones. McElwain buried his mother, father, many good friends and former co-workers.

“Early in my career, I was told, ‘Larry, this is a lot easier today than it will be at some point.’ “You get older and people that you know, that are your friends, that are your family, are going to die,” McElwain said.

“You have to be disciplined to walk the fine line between grieving for yourself and grieving for yourself,” McElwain said. “I have to mourn with you.”

Grieving with you refers to empathizing with another person’s grief and offering support and comfort through their presence during the time of loss. On the other hand, “mourning oneself” means feeling sadness and a sense of personal loss because of the person’s death.

Before becoming a funeral director, McElwain said he had been interested in the profession for a long time. He holds degrees from KU and the San Francisco College of Mortuary Science. He also served as president and CEO of the Lawrence Chamber of Commerce and president of the Kansas Funeral Directors Association.

In June last year, McElwain was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, a central nervous system disorder that affects movement and often causes tremors. As he continues to study this topic and will continue to do so for the rest of his life, Tom Zschoche, a Delta Chi brother who also suffered from Parkinson’s disease, inspired the final chapter of his book entitled “Keep Movin ‘”.

In October, a fraternity dinner and reunion was held on the KU campus in the Allen Fieldhouse. That evening, McElwain had asked him for advice about what he had learned since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.

“Keep moving, that’s what he told me that day,” McElwain said. “And it came from someone who had been struggling with this illness for 12 years.”

Zschoche died in mid-November this year. While McElwain said he initially took Zschoche’s advice literally, he now realizes his friend was talking about more than just physical well-being. It’s also important to maintain a positive attitude, McElwain said.

“Parkinson’s can get to the point where you can’t breathe or do anything,” McElwain said. “I don’t know what lies ahead. I won’t worry about what lies ahead. I’m just going to keep going because that’s what he said I have to do.”

A book signing for “A Life Lived Amongst Lives Lost” will be held Sunday, Dec. 8, from 2 to 4 p.m. at Warren McElwain Mortuary, 120 W. 13th St