“Parents need to stop putting pressure on themselves to have the perfect Christmas”

It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many people, Christmas ends up feeling very different. When it comes to buying gifts, visiting caves, and attending festive events – not to mention the mean little elf on the shelf – it can all end up feeling a little too much.

Many parents in particular say they often feel too exhausted and overwhelmed to even enjoy it. Manchester psychotherapist Sarie Taylor knows this feeling all too well.

She struggled with anxiety and depression for many years and says she “hated Christmas.” Looking back now, she knows why.

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Here, Sarie, who has her own Perfectly Imperfect Mind Mentor business, shares her own experiences and offers advice on how people can enjoy a stress-free Christmas.

“As the holidays approach, do you feel a twinge of excitement or think, “Too soon, I’m not ready!”

“Ready for what? Why do we have to adjust to a time that is supposed to be about fun, connection and celebration? What is different about this time of year? What changes in our world are suddenly making things more stressful? Why do some people do this? Do you love the holidays and others find them so stressful?

“When we start to get busy and chaotic, not just physically but mentally, and we feel like we have to do so much within a certain time frame, that’s what starts to cause us to become overstimulated and overly vigilant .”

“We can become so habitual of it that we barely notice that we’re feeling that way and keep going, keep striving for perfection, but does that come at a cost to us?”

“We don’t need to be physically busy to feel this, we just need a busy mind to become overstimulated. This can then become a vicious circle because as soon as our brain starts thinking, it happens.” Since there is a lot to do and problems to solve, it is convinced that it can get one step ahead of you and then it will start doing so to prevent and consider potential problems.

“When we focus on problems, we start looking for them. And it’s likely we’ll find what we’re looking for.”

“When I recently asked a survey what makes Christmas so stressful, most people answered: ‘Making sure other people are happy’, ‘It’s too expensive’ and ‘I don’t want to do all the social things bring that with it.’ are expected of me.” There were many others, but these were key areas that kept coming to the fore.

“For many years I hated Christmas and looking back now I can see so clearly why.

“Like many of us, I immediately put too much pressure on myself and set too many expectations. Starting around September, I started to build up this pressure. When Christmas Day came, I was like a pressure cooker and either physically ill with something or I was very scared. Either way, I was burnt out and barely able to function, so I was definitely not in the mood to enjoy the festivities.

“On the first of January I was almost relieved that it was all over. But what was it all over? The fun? Time with family?”

“I was actually relieved that the pressure and expectations I had placed on myself were gone.”

Through her work with the Three Principles, which Sarie shares with her clients and members, she says she now knows this – and what others need to know to make Christmas stress-free

“It was always something I was responsible for, but I just didn’t see it. I put a lot of thought into everything and was hardly ever present in the months leading up to Christmas.”

“If you removed the pressure and expectations you put on yourself, how different would things feel?”

“We often feel like the pressure comes from outside, from society, from our loved ones, but when we really look within we can see that it ultimately comes from ourselves. This is good news because we can also choose not to continue doing it.”

“Think of hypervigilance like riding a bike. If you pedal very quickly, you will gain momentum. Then once you take your feet off the pedals it doesn’t just stop, you will still feel the speed of your fast pedaling, and although the… The bike will gradually slow down, it may take a while.

“This is why people pause on Christmas Day and then wonder why they still feel overstimulated and overly alert.”

“This is your gentle reminder to be aware of your speed and pace in the lead up to this holiday season and to give yourself a break, take your feet off the pedals and notice your speed before you find yourself going so fast that You lose your balance.”

“Think about what your fondest memories of this time of year were when you were young? Was it how much your parents spent on you? How fancy was dinner?”

“I couldn’t even tell you what I got for Christmas when I was younger, and I certainly couldn’t tell you what dinner tasted like.”

“However, I can tell you that my fondest memories were being with people I loved without feeling the pressure and expectations of anything, and experiencing my parents in the same way.”

“The gift of sharing with family is better than any gift you can buy. These are memories that last a lifetime – a feeling.”

“We all have access to this, no matter how much money we have in the bank or whatever circumstances we face in our outside world, we can access peace of mind and be present.”

Sarie created a video on “Managing Fear and Overwhelm: The Festive Edition,” which readers can access for free here.