Why Rick Astley Waited for His Parents to Die to Write His Memoir (Exclusive)

Rick Astley had been asked to write his memoirs for decades, but he always refused – until now.

The 21-year-old singer was playing local gigs in his small English hometown in 1987 when he released “Never Gonna Give You Up,” a classic ’80s pop catchy tune that quickly rose up the charts worldwide and propelled the artist to near superstardom Night.

Two decades later, the song was introduced to a new generation thanks to one of the internet’s earliest viral moments – a prank in which someone sent a link to the track’s music video, titled “Rickrolling”, disguised as something else – which increased the star’s popularity as The video received over one and a half billion views on YouTube.

In his new memoir, Astley, now 58, tells all about his humble beginnings, the downsides of instant fame and a nearly three-decade marriage to his wife Lene Bausager. Never: The Autobiographywill be released on January 21st.

In an exclusive conversation with PEOPLE, Astley reveals that he was first approached about a book deal in his 20s — and then again when “Never Gonna Give You Up” reached its viral moment in the 2000s. But he held back because of his parents. “I wanted to wait until my parents were no longer alive because I wanted to be completely honest about my childhood and not upset them,” he says.

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In the memoirs, Astley describes his difficult upbringing. He witnessed his father physically attack his mother at a young age, and after his parents separated when he was four, he lost emotional connection to both of them.

“Whatever I went through with them, I don’t blame them,” the singer and author tells PEOPLE. “I don’t think it was her fault. It was just like that.”

The memoir chronicles the young singer’s earliest experiences with music – playing his first gig at a school disco, entering local Battle of the Bands competitions, and eventually being selected by aspiring producer Pete Waterman, who helped release Never Gonna Give “You Up” helped. But the story of his music career wouldn’t be complete without the details of his childhood, says Astley. “I just wanted to be honest about my upbringing because I think it made me want love and attention in different areas that I didn’t get as a child.”

“It wasn’t just emotional and mental, it was a physical escape,” Astley says of his early relationship with music. “It was like, ‘If I can have a career in this field, I can set my boundaries.’ I can set the rules. I can buy a house. “I can move to a place where I want to live and not under my father’s roof.” ”

Astley acknowledges the irony that fame “demands stability” – especially when a rock star’s life often involves drugs, sex and money. “I’m not saying I didn’t have desires for some of these things,” he adds. “But I was trying to fill a little hole that I feel my childhood left.”

Now, a handful of awards and several platinum albums later, Astley is a father himself and shares 32-year-old daughter Amelia with his longtime wife. Not long after her birth, the singer temporarily stopped making music, which he said was “partly” to devote more time to being a present mother.

“How do you become someone who can be really, really famous and be a parent who is there physically, mentally and emotionally?” Astley wonders. “Fame is about being selfish and being a little selfish sometimes, and it’s hard to turn that off when you go home.”

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He admits that Amelia “never really knew” her grandfather and “wasn’t close” to her grandmother, given the strained relationships Astley had with his own parents. But he was very open with his daughter about the years he spent in therapy in his 20s and 30s to deal with his difficult upbringing. “I think it’s extremely valuable to talk about,” he says.

Still, the English rocker says his daughter had “difficulties” with publishing his autobiography – particularly some details of his life that he was never able to tell her, and was waiting for the “moment when that would be an appropriate conversation.” which are now available for the world to read.

“Parenting, man, it’s a big deal,” he concludes. “You just have to do your best.”

Never: The Autobiography is now available wherever books are sold.