With Family Come Feelings: How to Cope During the Holidays

I love my family for so many reasons, and one of those reasons is that they are made up of so many different people. My relatives have different political views, different religious beliefs, different ethnic and racial backgrounds, and more. When everyone is together, it’s not unusual to see multiple languages ​​spoken throughout the house or to catch hints of Filipino pancit cuisine along with more traditional American holiday dishes like turkey and pumpkin pie. Although we usually get along despite our differences, as is the case in many families, there can also be tensions or topics of conversation beneath the surface that can wreak havoc at any moment.

Most families have a certain dynamic that has the potential to cause chaos, and this can make visiting family over the holidays seem like something to avoid. In fact, a recent USA Today survey found that nearly half of respondents reported lying to their family about having other plans or being sick to avoid spending time with them. This year, after a particularly controversial election, you may be considering what your own excuses might be for not attending this year. On the other hand, if you’re ready to brave the potential minefield of a family vacation, I’ve put together some ideas and strategies from my professional experience as a consultant and my personal experience to help you keep the peace at your next family reunion.

Pre-game plan

There are a few things you should consider before you even start planning your vacation. You think about it WHO who you want to spend time with. I want you to get along with your family, but it doesn’t make sense to try to solve or ignore all the problems just to get along over the holidays. Some dysfunctions, such as a history of abuse, can lead to harm and are good reasons to avoid certain people during the holidays. If this applies to your situation, I encourage you to find ways to connect with friends and family who support you and who you want to be with.

Also consider planning options for What They might, especially if things get out of hand. Are there things you can do when you need a break, like take a walk? Do you have someone you can talk to who understands your point of view? Do you have a plan for when it’s time to go home?

When “it” gets rolling

Planning is good, but what if something inevitably comes up? Maybe your dad can’t stop himself from bringing up politics, your mom can’t stop you from commenting on your looks, or whatever else in your family has the potential to ruin the evening. What do you do then?

While you may have saved the best political rebuttal for a time like this, if your goal is to maintain peace, I would advise you to think twice. Politely changing the subject is probably the best move (and my typical approach). Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. So the more you engage in debate about topics like politics and religion, the more likely you are to experience negative outcomes. So take the right path.

You can change the subject in a variety of ways, but most successful strategies have a few things in common. The first is to communicate that you don’t want to talk about the topic and the second is to offer an alternative. This can be a direct statement, such as “I don’t want to talk about that,” or an indirect way by making a light-hearted (and non-offensive) joke about the topic. There are several people in my family who are great at this. The second part is about offering a way out, such as changing the subject or leaving the scene.

Damage limitation

Sometimes you may not be the one bearing the brunt of family drama. What to do if someone else is attacked? Defusing momentary tensions can provide immediate relief around the holidays, but often what is said during these times is harmful in the long run. Consulting with family members who may have been injured can help alleviate long-term injuries. This doesn’t have to be complicated or elaborate, it simply means letting them know that you saw what happened, that you know they were hurt, and that you care about them. Offer them an ear and focus on listening to their perspective without giving them advice.

Having a large family comes with many advantages, but it can also come with some potential disadvantages. I can’t promise you’ll find all the answers about getting it during the holidays in this short article, but there are ways to learn more. If you would like further strategies, I would strongly recommend that you seek the services of a trained professional such as a counselor or psychologist. You don’t even need a mental health diagnosis to talk to them! While this list isn’t perfect, I hope my experiences help you find some peace of mind this vacation with your family.